By Cindi Moore
“When you’re in a couple all you see are happy singles, and when you’re single all you see are happy couples.” In college as important as academics and networking are, there seems to be an equal sense of importance put upon friendships and relationships. Relationships in college always seem so appealing on television. There are the long walks through the quad while holding hands, kissing under the arch, and of course having the ability to sleep over each other’s rooms without any supervision, and only a slight bit of judgment from your single roommate. To go along with these picture perfect relationships are the picture perfect friendships. This is when the images of girls painting each other’s nails in dorm rooms, girls eating at La Mia in groups of 10-20, and thousands upon thousands of Facebook pictures of girls dressed in floral print dresses in front of Stadium, should begin to pop up in your head. This life seems great, except when the two try to combine; friendships and relationships.
We have all had that time in our lives where we have went running to our friends because our significant others either did something really bad or something really good. Shows like “Sex and the City” exemplify the connection between friends and relationships. If you’ve ever seen “Sex and the City” four women sit around and talk about their current relationships, and of course sex. This may have made for good T.V but when put into real life practice, the results are not the same. Even on the show the advice the women gave each other tended to worsen the situation, as seen in the end almost all of the women were single, until they stopped listening to the advice of their girlfriends. But still the activity of dishing all the dirt to your friends has become a part of society’s bonding ritual.
I attended an event that specific asked the question: Do you think it’s a good idea to talk to your friends about your relationship?
And the response was unanimous, NO. Single girls and girls and girls in relationships both agreed that letting other people into your relationship proved dangerous for all parties involved. Some of the major arguments were:
• If you tell your friends too much about how great your relationship is, that ugly green eyed monster might show up. If you are constantly telling your friends that your boyfriends does this, that and the other and how happy you are, they may become a bit too intrigued, and when things aren’t so peachy keen a unsuspected third-party may try to intervene.
• They don’t know EVERYTHING. As much as you may tell your friends, they can never know the full story of a relationship. Most likely when you are telling your girls (or boys) about you and your spouse’s most recent argument, you are not being unbiased; mainly because you don’t even know what their side is. Most times your friends are going to choose your side, and solidify your idea that you are right. Which may not always be the case.
• And last but not least. It’s yours. Your relationship should be between you and the person you are with, not front page news at Girls/Boys night out. Keeping people out of your relationship is the best way to stay in your relationship. Celebrities have shown us all what outside influences can do to a relationship. If you let wanted outsiders in, then unwanted ones will follow.
This does not apply to only girls, boys are the hidden perpetrators. Gossiping is often looked upon as a girl’s issue, but we all know that is not true. Boys often look to their friends to validate their decisions with a girl. Often boys let outside interference affect their relationships more than a girl would.
This is not saying that getting input from friends can NEVER be beneficial, because in fact it can be. If you are in a relationship that is unhealthy then sometimes an friends outside look could be just what is needed. If this is the case, maybe you’re need of more than a friend’s friendly advice. If so please visit Miami University’s counseling services: http://www.units.muohio.edu/saf/scs/counseling_services